I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
