I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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