listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
