You can't special order awesome
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
