I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
