Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
