Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
