We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im holly from the hills drunk
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Randomize
