Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
