The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
