Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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