weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
