im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
