i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
