I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
