Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
