i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
