2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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