i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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