Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
