No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
