They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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