Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
