I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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