i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
