i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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