Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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