I think im going to throw up on grandma
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
