oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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