I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
