it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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