some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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