did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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