Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
