she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
