Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
