This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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