Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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