I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
