So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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