I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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