i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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