What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
