That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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