yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
