she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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