i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize