how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
