i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
