Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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