Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
