I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
