I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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