Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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