The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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