i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
