When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
