At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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