I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
