i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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