I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
