Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
