I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm getting married
To pizza
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
