Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
