The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
