Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
