Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
