We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
