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• (831): View more from California

  There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  just got booed by the entire restaurant.

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• (315): View more from New York

  my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?

  (1-443): View more from Maryland

  A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Again, totally unrelated

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.

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• (707): View more from California

  She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed

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