Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
